Two months old

Max you turned two months old yesterday. So much has happened since my last post.

On Sept 1st your Grandpa (my father) passed away. It was only three days after they had returned back to the States to visit us. It gives me great comfort knowing that he got to meet you. He fell in love with you the minute he saw you and I know that he would of been a good Grandfather to you. I am sad that you will miss out on that. My father passing away happened the very day that your Auntie Lee Ann and her family came to visit. The only stayed two days because they had to get back for the funeral but you had great fun playing with your cousin Andrew.

I was beside myself because I could not go to the funeral. It was heartbreaking not to be able to go home and help take care of mother. You were only three weeks old and there was no way that you could travel plus you didn't have your passports as of yet. I am okay with that though. You are the most important thing to me and your safety and health come first.

Around 1 month old (almost to the day) you started smiling. You smile more and more every day and it is so heart warming to see. It brought tears to my eyes the first time. It made me so happy because you were always screaming so much I was worried that you were in pain all of the time. To see you smile was such a relief. You were experiencing happiness - what a joy!

You also are making cooing noises. Lately you started reaching for your feet. You haven't exactly found them yet but I think that it is going to happen soon.

Your Daddy and I are still struggling with your bouts of crying. It's so frustrating because it seems like you are in pain from the colic. Plus you also have an umbilical hernia which might be causing some pain as well. The pediatrician said that usually that goes away by the time you are one and will heal naturally. I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed that is the case.

We still don't have a schedule for you. I am a bit scattered when it comes to a routine but we are working on it!! You are feeding every three hours (sometimes a bit early b/c you are a hungry boy and growing every day).

You had your two months shots on Monday and did great! So brave - and you barely cried. This week you seem to be doing so much better (not so much crying/screaming) and I just hope it continues to get better.You look like such a little man. All grown up and you are only two months. I cannot believe how quickly time goes by. I love you so much.

3 weeks old.....

Baby Max,

Yesterday you were three weeks old. Three weeks - I cannot believe it. Time seems to fly by so quickly in my sleep deprived world. You are doing well and growing...getting big actually. Almost 4 kilos at your last weigh in. You seem to be crying A LOT and of course Mommy cries along with you. All this crying - we are both exhausted. It seems as if you have a bit of colic (esp at night of course!). We went to the pediatrician just to make sure that you are okay and thankfully all is well. We were able to get some medication which seems to be helping.

You just had Grandma and Grandpa leave yesterday. They enjoyed spending time with you. We have two days before your Auntie Lee Ann comes with her family. I hope that you like your cousin Andrew. And I hope that Andrew is nice to you - and to your fur brother and sister!!!

I think if we were to do this all over though I would wait to have visitors. Mommy just wants some time with you alone to get to know you better. I am so tired and it's hard to have people around. Your Daddy has been a big help and as I say in almost every post - I don't know what I would do without him. His eyes just light up when he is around you. He sings to you and you go quiet. Maybe it's because you think he is crazy with his funny made up songs....

This past week we took our first walk alone to the pharmacy. Then this past Thursday we took our first walk with Callie. It takes so much time for us to get ready and out of the house. The hours just seem to fly by. I must admit, sometimes you have gone to sleep for the night in the same clothes that you wore during the day BUT that doesn't mean that Mommy loves you any less.... ;)

Milestone....

A little one but exciting none the less. Max, You and I took a walk to the pharmacy today - by ourselves as Daddy had an appt. You seem to hate your stroller and I couldn't get you to lie in it without crying. After spending over an hour trying to get you settled and sleeping I took out the sling. At first you cried but in about 5 minutes you fell asleep. In fact, our trip was over an hour ago and you are still in the sling fast asleep. I am sitting here looking at your cute little face while typing.

Yesterday we took a walk around the park - and you didn't scream once.

Last night you slept from 12 30-4am and then 5am until about 8am. A true milestone. Mommy was finally able to get a bit of sleep. Usually you have been sleeping for about an hour at a time and then you wake up and scream. Actually - you seem to cry a lot. I think that it might be gas. Your poor Daddy looks like his heart is breaking when you cry.

Let's see how it goes tonight....

Love you little guy.

Happy 1 week Max.........

You are 1 week old today. It's been incredible, absolutely incredible to have you home.

The first night home was Wed 12.08 and I wish that I could say that it was easy, but it wasn't. I think that maybe you were stressed from the hospital to home transition and all you did was cry. I felt so helpless and nothing seemed to be working. Thankfully Daddy L came to the rescue at 1am and held you until you calmed down and fell asleep and he also gave me time to regroup a bit. What would we do without your Daddy??? He is so good with you and helps me so much. I don't know how I got so lucky to have two such wonderful men in my life!!

Last night went much better. You slept in bed with us. It's the only way you seem to sleep at night. I am not a big fan of co-sleeping. I am so afraid that one of us will roll over on you (yikes!) but it's the only thing that seems to calm you at night. So as long as you feel safe and secure that is what is important to us.

Your fur sister Callie is fasinated by you. She hasn't been sleeping or eating - she just follows us around the house with a concerned look in her eyes. She seems to be a bit more calm today and you both sound asleep in the bedroom. I think that she is excited as well are to have you in our lives.

Today your Grandparents are coming to visit from Sweden. I can't wait for them to see you!

Max.........

You are 4 days old today and your Daddy and I are so in love with you.

You were born on the 7th at 3.22pm weighing 3.55 kilos and 50 cm in length. You have my nose (which is a good thing!) but you look like your Daddy and your hands are SO big. Your eyes have changed colors 3 times already. When you were born they were blue, the next day green, and now they seem to be more of a hazel color. Your coloring is so fair and you have the biggest cheeks - and a small cute little chin. You are not crazy about being bathed or changed but who could blame you??!

You love to suck on things.... me...your fingers, and today you were actually holding a pacifier in your mouth. It seems as if it really soothes you to have something in your mouth. We had one rough night where you wouldn't stop crying. Poor thing. The night nurse and sage femme tried doing everything thing in their power to soothe you to no avail. You were known the next day as the little boy that cried all night. You seem to be sleeping better now which is good for both of us!

I get to take you home tomorrow. I can't tell you how happy that makes me. I know that your fur brother and sister are very excited to meet you. It will be so exciting to have us all home together as a family.

Birth story

Max arrived on 07.08.09 via a C Section. It was not what I had planned but my only concern was his well being.

We were scheduled for an induction on the evening of the 6th. The induction was required because Max hadn't dropped at all. My fluid levels were low and I noticed a decrease in fetal movement in the past week.

So....I arrived at the Clinique and they deposited two pills. One at 8 and one at 12am. Nothing really happened. There was not much progression/dilation so they started the Pitocin drip around 8am. I wanted to try to do this birth naturally but with the strength of the contractions caused by the pitocin it was impossible. I was asking for the epidural by 10am and quite frankly I am suprised that I lasted that long. The doctor checked on me a few times and by 2pm still no real progress. The monitoring showed that Max's heartbeat was strong but there really wasn't much movement so it was time to make a call. He said that we should do the C section and get Max out now while he was still doing well.

By 3pm I was prepped and in surgery. I have never been so scared in my life. In the back of my mind I had a notion that a C Section would be necessary and L and I discussed that if it was - then it had to be done. Everything happened so quickly though - I barely had time to mentally prepare for the procedure. I was whisked into the operating room. There seemed to be at least 10 people running around prepping me, and things in the room. Everyone was speaking very quickly (in French) and I started to panic. The began to give me the anesthesia and it made me very foggy. I had a difficult time hearing and had an oxygen mask on so I had a difficult time speaking as well. When I couldn't hear the doctors asking me questions I then really started to freak out. I cried and couldn't stop. As soon as that happened everyone stepped back a bit, slowed down, and tried to calm me down. Lars was in the room as well which helped.

(The Swiss are funny people but I have learned while here that the way to get them to be nice to you is to break down and cry. It's amazing how much they change when they see you cry).

By 3.22pm little Max was born. They showed him to me but then had to take him away to be checked. L went with him so that he wouldn't be alone. I was put into a recovery room for about 1 hour 30 minutes but L made sure that they brought my baby to me so that I could try to breast feed him and bond a little bit before they had to take him away again. After the recovery room I was put into my own room and the IV's etc stayed in me until the next day.

I am so happy that we have our baby boy but I must admit that I really missed that initial bonding period that we would of had if I had given birth naturally. L was the one that spent time with him and gave him his first bath the next day because I was unable. I didn't even see his little toes and bum until day two. We are making up for lost time now but I still can't help feeling like I lost out on something. I just keep reminding myself that the C section was indeed necessary - he had the cord wrapped around his neck and would of never of come out otherwise.

It's been very hard dealing with the pain of the operation and giving birth - not to mention being in the Clinique away from home. The first few days were overwhelming to say the least. Now things are starting to settle down (my emotions included) and I am looking forward to going home tomorrow.

D- Day

Today is your Due date! Although it doesn't seem like you are any where near coming out......

We had a doctor's appt on Monday this week and while you are head down you are still not engaged. My fluid is a bit low so they recommended that we induce you. While inducing is not ideal for me - I would much rather prefer to do this naturally - I am thinking about your well being. I want you to come out strong and healthy.

I am nervous, anxious, scared but most of all looking forward to meeting you, holding you, and loving you. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.

We can do this together little baby boy!

I can't wait to meet you.